Musical Cure

Once again a post about my health issues.
(but I'm giving you a great song to listen to and watch while I whine) :-)

I am a new-ish chronic pain patient- people who have read my posts have been hearing of my issues for a bit less than 2 years now.

I am working on getting my 4th and 5th opinion- today at the new Neurologist, then in 2 weeks at a Dr who is known as a "fabulous diagnostician."

Everyone says the same thing- I am now a "chronic pain patient"- my pain is due to severe nerve damage due to years of compression from bulging discs and compressed vertebrae. It is Nerve pain- not muscle, (which I have been saying all this time) and that really there isn't much they can do other than burn off the nerve roots every year or so and manage my pain with meds, exercise and good nutrition.

I'm the perfect model of a medical marijuana patient as well- It is a badge I have no shame about- and I am open about my status with anyone who counts. I have to use whatever works- and MM is one of the only things I've found that helps me find some comfort- Without killing my stomach. I never smoke before driving or being with my son or his friends. Responsible is really my middle name.

Yes, I know what kind of pain I have. I know my talking about my pain in the neck can be a real pain in the neck.  I'm sorry, I just can't help complaining- especially when the pain gets this bad. Like today, where I haven't slept a full night in 5 days.

I try to keep it positive by scheduling things that I will look forward to, like concerts!

Last night I at least had a respite from the agony, and went to a fantastic concert by the Shins, one of my favorite "go to" bands. Here is a video of them performing "Know your Onion" at the concert last night. (link is here too:  Shins Concert- "Know your Onion")

A special shout out also to my date for the night, Eric Fest- my BFF's hubby who also happens to be a friend of mine too. Eric is a big alt music fan too and is filling in the gap that is left by my hubby Guido's refusal to come to any concerts with me. In Guido's defense, he has a hearing condition that makes going to concerts with electrified instruments particularly painful.
Hey, I KNOW about pain. I get it- you do what you have to do to relieve yourself of the pain- including leaving concerts. (I know now not to spend the money on a ticket for him- I get it for a friend instead!

So I'll just keep on looking at coming attractions- I know that the Rialto theater in Tucson is scheduling some great concerts- Tegan and Sarah are coming in a few months, as is Sleigh Bells and Aimee Mann. (I think I'll go to T and S)
I promise to not bore you too much about my nerve pain- or, at least when I complain I'll also post a pretty picture or video to balance out the whine :-\

thanks for all of your support!
ciao- Maureen

Taking a break from jewelry

Hi there friends-
most of you know that I am currently dealing with nerve pain issues in my left arm/hand/neck. I have been fighting for 1 1/2 years with intense constant pain in my neck, left arm and hand and have been pursuing conventional treatments in western medicine as well as alternative methods for pain treatment.

After over a year of therapies and failures I had surgery on my neck in December, to fuse three vertebrae and remove ruptured discs. I have a titanium plate now that keeps that part of my neck stable. The Neurosurgeons told me that the surgery would resolve the pain issues and I would be back on my game within 5-6 weeks, tops.

Well, unfortunately the pain is still there, and in fact has become much more intense. There is no posture I can take to find relief, and the pain is constant, beginning in the morning 2 hours after I wake, continuing until I finally fall to sleep late into the night, if not at dawn.

I am literally having to drug and heat and ice myself to sleep.

(you can see the scar on my neck in this pic)

One thing I had never thought of before- It is almost impossible to fall asleep if you are in acute pain: Your brain feels the pain and signals a flight response from the body- You tense up, ready to flee- which of course you cannot do, as the pain is coming from the inside. I just had never encountered this before- never have had such a constant ache. At this point I figure I've not had a pain free moment for almost 4 months. It's nuts!
LOOK- I'm not writing  this to be dramatic or scare anyone- I'm just trying to capture what I'm living through, so that people can try to understand chronic pain. Oh, and yes, I know I'm a "Newbie" in the chronic pain community- I believe this gives me a way to write in the contrast living with/out pain; it's New to me, so sometimes fresh experiences are particularly focused.

One thing that I'm really struggling with is that I have a really strong desire to work- and I find that I cannot work in my studio for more than about 1/2 hour without having a flare up of intensity to the pain.
So Sadly, I am coming to the realization that I have to take a break. At least until I find some solution to this pain. I am slowing down my studio practice to a snails pace, and will only do minimal metalwork, if any for the next ?? period of time, until I can find a way to work pain free once again.

This decision is brutally difficult for me- I have cloaked myself in metalsmithing for 25+ years, creating in the studio on a daily basis. However, I can't continue at the same pace, and believe that I can find satisfaction in shifting directions in my creative life.

So- for now at least- "Working small" in traditional jewelry is slowly being put on hold, and I will be looking into other paths to satisfy my need to create. I have an open book ahead of me, and a bunch of crazy ideas and design explorations that are taking shape. I will be on walkabout in my wilderness.

And what is in stock in my etsy shop is pretty much going to be all of the traditional jewelry I will have for sale. I'm not saying it's over- I just need a break.

Thanks for reading- I'll keep posting!
ciao- Maureen