Thursday, February 2, 2012

P. I. T. N.

OK, I just have to say, this adventure with chronic pain is kicking my ass. Ironically, it's not a pain in the ass that I have-- it is (literally) a pain in the neck.

Theory is that I must have started the neck damage as a little pixie- I must have knocked my neck out of alignment when falling off the sneaky little ponies that I clung to  while learning how to negotiate cavaletti and crossrails (it's a horse thing, poles on the ground and a little jump)

I had spinal surgery Dec 8- to repair the damaged discs and cluttered vertebrae that have been plaguing my well being for many years now.  I was under the impression that this was a much faster healing surgery than it now seems like it will be. I'm miffed. I really feel lied to- I was told that I'd be 5-6 weeks tops out of regular activity, then I could play tennis or whatever. Well, don't laugh, I do actually play tennis- (I suck getting to the ball on time, but have a pretty good backhand)

I digress.. So, it's now almost 2 full months past surgery and I'm STILL in more pain than before the surgery. I'm getting a taste of living with chronic pain. and it ain't purty.

The worst is at night- when you are just there alone with your thoughts, trying to fall asleep..... and then reeee reee kreee kerreeeeek! your shoulder starts zinging and your arm shoots with electric pulses from shoddy pinched and frayed nerves. It's like that mosquito in the cabin, or the drip drip drip of the faucet... it's crazy making. And it keeps you awake.

So, you lay there thinking, "hmm, is this just a temporary pain, will it go away?" and "is this really that bad? (why am I tensing up so much?)" which ultimately leads to " I probably need to take some pain meds- get ahead of the pain....but, do I really need to?"

this conversation goes on and on, you get up...walk to kitchen, have water- get ice pack- back to bed, icepack in your neckbrace, oh that feels better, I bet I fall asleep now.....ok, sleep time, get the right pillow, move the dog over, pull up blankets... shhhhhhhh.......

reee reee reeeh hkerrreek kreee......

Oy vey.
This really is a pain in the neck.

I'm laughing, otherwise I'd cry. Thankfully, my family is really supportive, and I don't have to go work for anyone else (though I've had to cut down on the goldsmithing for hire jobs for now) I can't imagine having to deal with this AND try to hold down a 9-5 job. Don't get me wrong- I'm still working daily in my studio and office- but I make the rules, #1 being that I call the shots, and if there is a day when I need to goof off, I goof off. Oh, and if I had to deal with the general public everyday I think I'd be the nastiest bitch on the face of the earth. (count your lucky stars)

So- in summary...
Ponies are sneaky.
Surgeons lie *cough* stretch the truth re: recovery rates.
Yeah, I play tennis and I'm 5'1"and no, you really don't want me as your doubles partner.
Chronic pain is butt ugly.
and annoying, especially at night.
Your thoughts go to 11 when you are contemplating sleep strategies while in a bout of insomnia.
Nerve pain feels like electric shards and aching rivers of green sludge.
You should be happy I'm no longer a barista.

and with this, I've taken up another few moments of the witching hours where everyone is asleep
(but me)

Buona Notte, Sogni d'Oro- Maureen

1 comment:

Courtney said...

I am so sorry to hear this! I hope that as you continue to heal, it gets better.


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